Crazy, Weird Sh*t

In around one week’s time, several crazy incidences happened to me. I was leaving my house to go to work and saw a kind of shiny golden puddle by my car, so I stepped over it to get to my car, when I realized that it was moving. The puddle was made up of hundreds (or thousands?) of golden specs that were moving. I jumped away. What were these? Baby spiders or beetles? I had no idea but I could see the shiny golden puddle from the street still as I drove away. That’s how big it was. My husband left shortly after me and never saw it. It was gone when I got home and I never saw it again. Okay, so you are probably thinking that can be explained away by some weird swarming bug and maybe you are right. But as the week went on, the incidences became more unexplainable.

I was at my desk at work, checking emails, when I saw an orb fall from the ceiling. I’ve only seen orbs with my naked eye a couple of times, so this really took me by surprise. I was even more surprised when the orb tuned into a millipede about a foot long and started crawling down the wall of my coworker’s cubicle. I wanted to shout and warn her but I didn’t want to create complete chaos in the office. One of my coworkers who was nearby screamed like she was being murdered once when she saw a spider at her desk, so I really did not want to point out a foot long bug to her! I figured my coworker whose desk it was at would eventually see it. But no one else saw it. Ever. And when I walked over to her cubicle, I didn’t see it anymore either. At one time I would have convinced myself that I was just seeing things, but too many weird things have happened in my life for me to believe that anymore.

Later that week, our laundry machine stopped working mid-cycle. So my husband brought the wet laundry over to our friend and neighbor to finish washing it at her house, then brought it back to our dryer and left the clothes there overnight. (I was only ok with this plan because it was all his clothes!) He got back from our neighbor’s house around 9pm. We locked the door, watched some TV (yes, we do a lot of that) and went to bed. The next morning, we got up and had an uneventful breakfast. My husband went down to the basement to get the laundry out of the drier while I started to get our lunches ready.

All of a sudden I heard my husband scream from downstairs “Honey, look in the kitchen!” I was pretty much already in the kitchen and saw nothing out of the ordinary, but I went all the way into the kitchen and started looking around. I didn’t see anything unusual and asked him “Um, can you be more specific and tell me what I’m looking for?” “Honey, there’s a bird in the kitchen!” he exclaimed. I still saw nothing. He started walking up the stairs and said “Now it’s in the stairwell!”

I turned to face the stairwell and still saw nothing. I was wondering how a bird could have been flying around the kitchen and over my head into the stairwell without me seeing it. By now my husband was in the kitchen and I told him “Honey, I think your bird is a ghost. I don’t see anything. “ Exasperated, he insisted “It is right there!” and pointed into the stairwell. I followed his finger with my eyes and saw that at the top of our shelving, by the ceiling was this large catbird maybe about 10 inches tall standing stock still, looking like a piece of taxidermy. Finally, I saw it, but what the hell were we going to do about it? We couldn’t reach it where it was because it was too high up. Finally, it flew a little closer to us on the shelf.

I decided we needed something to catch the bird in. I found a 5 gallon bucket that I use to clean the aquarium and moved towards the bird. But I realized that it would be able to fly right out of the bucket, so we would need a cover. I said this aloud and my husband grabbed a game board for the cover.

Now the bird started flying around the house from room to room while I chased him with the bucket. He went from the living room to the dining room, where he landed in a tree. I was like “Good bird, stay in the tree.” But of course he didn’t because he didn’t want to be caught. He flew back to the living room. I was starting to wonder how I could possibly catch a bird when he could fly and I could not, when he decided he absolutely positively was going to get out of our bay window.

The bird started trying really hard to force his little head under the sealed window. I ran over with the bucket and screamed to my husband to move the couch so I could get to him, when the bird hopped to the other side of the window ledge and I was able to get the bucket over him. My husband put the game board on top, grabbed the bucket and brought the bird outside. Then my husband called into me that he couldn’t get the bird out of the bucket. I told him “It’s a bird, just leave the bucket outside and come in. He will figure it out!” So my husband left the bucket outside and when I left for work, the bird was gone, leaving only a feather in the bucket as a reminder of what had occurred.

During all of this commotion, our dogs never made a peep. If they see a bug in the house they start barking like mad. But their human parents are chasing a giant bird from room to room and all they can do is look away and pretend like nothing out of the ordinary is happening!

So, here are the open questions. How did the bird get in the house when everything was locked up tight? The only logical explanation is that it flew in with my husband the night before at 9pm and he did not see a giant bird fly in with him. Then the bird had to wait somewhere else until my husband opened the basement door (because it cannot be opened at the same time as the front door) and sneak down into the basement without me, my husband or the dogs noticing until the next morning at around 8am. You know what else? The bird never pooped. All that hiding all night and flying around being chased and the thing never pooped. That is very weird for a bird!

I did have one question answered though, once it was all over. I asked my husband “Did a bird really fly around the kitchen and over my head into the stairwell without me seeing it?” and he said no. That he saw the bird in the basement and watched it fly upstairs. He thought it flew into the kitchen but it had instead just landed in the stairwell.

After all of those crazy things happened in the span of a week, I decided that the universe was trying to tell me something. What it was trying to tell me is that things aren’t as they seem. When you look too closely at the seemingly structured world, it is complete chaos and anything is possible. This world is more like a dream than we realize.

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