Tag: limiting beliefs

When it Comes to Happiness, How Often is Often Enough?

How long do you truly stay happy for after you achieve a goal or something great happens to you? A few days; a few months? Then what happens? Probably routine sets back in, you become bored and set new goals. And this continues and is the cycle of life. The truth is we wouldn’t really know we were happy if we were never unhappy, so happiness cannot actually last forever or it would cease to exist. But the true opposite of happiness is not complacency or striving, it is sadness. And sadness is not something we can avoid. People are always going to be coming in and out of our lives and parting tends to brings sadness (especially when it is through death). So shouldn’t we be able to be happy at any point we are not sad? Except maybe for people currently experiencing depression, that would be a lot of happiness! So why aren’t we happy that often?

Is part of you afraid to be too happy? I think many of us believe that we need to be unhappy in order to grow and pursue our goals. That we wouldn’t have any drive if we weren’t striving for happiness. What if those are limiting beliefs and you don’t need an unending amount of will power to pursue growth while you are happy? I’m not talking about head over heals just fallen in love happiness, but a deep contentment and comfort with who you are and where you are in your life.

I believe that when we are truly happy with our life right now, it is actually easier to make our goals a reality. When we are content with things as they are, we let go of our fears and anxieties about the future. We will simply enjoy our lives, as is, even if nothing ever changes. We accept where we are with gratitude and still have dreams for the future. When we are in this calm, relaxed state, we attract positive things to ourselves because we have stopped getting in our own way. We can see the opportunities that present themselves to us because we are focused on the present instead of the future.

The truth is we don’t need to accomplish everything we have ever wanted to be happy now. We all have something in our lives that makes us happy, even if it is only briefly. It could be hugging or kissing a family member, or even petting a pet. Or perhaps just enjoying a glass of wine while you watch your favorite TV show. Sure, we all have frustrating moments and I am not advising that you fight against these negative emotions when they arise, but simply acknowledge them, determine if they are there to teach you something and let them go. As soon as the event is over, it is in the past, and our goal is focusing on the present. True happiness can never be achieved by living in the past, even if you were happy then. Because if you are not feeling happy now, it is just a reminder of how unpleasant you find your current situation. When we focus on happiness we had in the past, we are harping on something we have lost and have trouble moving forward.

Experiencing happiness in the present could even be a tool for weight loss. If you can find a way to be happy with your body the way it is (which EFT can help with), you will love your body and work with it instead of trying to punish it for being overweight. If we can accept our body now, we will start to listen to its needs and discover a weight loss technique that works for us. Think about it. The reason there are so many different diets and exercise routines out there is that everyone’s body is different. So how do we know which one is right for us? We have to learn to listen to our body; but it is very difficult to listen to someone you don’t respect.

Your body gives you messages every day of hunger or exhaustion. Are you truly listening without judgment? Even when your body tells you it wants carbs, while you are on a low-carb diet? Probably not, because we are told we need to learn to ignore our cravings in order to lose weight. So we stop trusting our body and start ignoring it all the time. But it just might be possible that the diet is wrong for us, instead of our body’s craving. As long as you practice moderation when fulfilling that craving. Imagine how much happier you would feel overall if you were happier with your body.

How amazing would it be to be happy 90% of the time; or even 50% of the time? So what’s stopping you? Wishing you love and light and happiness.

Do You Boss Yourself Around?

Do you have a habit of telling yourself what to do? Are you loving and encouraging or bossy and curt? I think most people tend to be the latter, when it comes to ourselves. But let me ask you something. How does it feel when other people try to boss you around? I’d imagine that your defenses go up and you don’t want to do what they are telling you to do. Not necessarily that you are against doing what they are asking, but you want them to treat you with love and respect and ask you politely. So why do we expect our subconscious mind and body to be any different? When your conscious mind tries to order them around, can you blame them for not wanting to listen?

So why is it so much easier to be patient and compassionate when asking something of other people than it is with ourselves? I think the answer comes down to guilt and a desire for control. We know that when we are not doing something we are supposed to, there is no one else to blame but ourselves. This results in a feeling of guilt, which causes us to get angry with ourselves and then we lash out. We are mean to ourselves and say derogatory things, which distances our subconscious and body from our conscious mind even more. Then the control freak in us comes out. Especially when the world is so chaotic and you can’t seem to get other people to listen to you, you know the one person you can control is yourself. And you’re also the one person you don’t have to be nice to, so you are ruthless. You let out all of that suppressed rage you have from feeling so out of control all of the time and take it out on yourself. To make it worse, when our subconscious mind and body don’t listen to us, our negative emotions snowball.

This is probably another reason why most diets fail. You blame your body for forcing you to go on a diet. Questioning what’s wrong with it, when plenty of people can eat whatever they want without gaining a pound. You feel disgust and anger when you have to turn down something you want to eat and then think derogatory things about yourself. You yell at your body to shed those pounds so you can go back to living a normal life. And then, you wonder why your body doesn’t listen. Do you normally want to do things for people who put you down and treat you with disdain? Why would your subconscious mind and body be any different?

I think that is why so many people swear by positive affirmations. They train you to give yourself loving encouragement, instead of angry orders. They create an environment where you support your mind, body and soul, as a whole. I think the idea that the only thing we can control in this world is our self is a limiting belief. While it might be easier to force ourselves to do something than someone else, are we being as successful as we think we are? If we were, then procrastination probably wouldn’t exist. Instead of trying to control ourselves (which doesn’t always work), we should treat ourselves as we would any other loved one. Be polite to yourself. Be your own cheerleader. Don’t assume that whatever order you bark at yourself will automatically be followed. Make yourself want to listen to you, out of love and respect.

It’s funny. As I was writing this post, I couldn’t think of the word procrastination. The more I demanded myself to remember the word, the harder it was to focus. So I took a walk, sang a song in my head and told myself I was confident it would come to me. It only took a minute or two before it popped into my head. I know we have all experienced this without knowing why. I think we put so much pressure on our mind to remember the word that it panics and stops working. I think we all have been put on the spot with something and our mind goes blank. Perhaps when someone asks us a simple math question, when we are not expecting it and all of a sudden, your mind just goes blank. We are also capable of doing this to ourselves. And the more annoyed we get about it, the harder it is to perform. That’s why when we stop, relax, and let it go, our memory starts working properly again. We are so conditioned to boss ourselves around, that I was doing it, even as I wrote this post!

It seems like this is how I end every post recently, but I see more “tapping” (EFT) in my future. It’s exhausting carrying around all of this emotional baggage all of the time!

Could Your Relationship to Money Be Holding You Back?

I went shopping on my lunch break today to pick up a couple of odds and ends. I went to 2 stores and both times when I checked out, I felt a little angry and maybe even guilty about spending the money. What made it worse is that everything was full price, I had no coupons and ended up spending $50 on fish food and a bottle of rum. I couldn’t believe how much I spent in under half an hour on just a couple of things.

Then, I stopped myself. This money was spent out of love. The rum is for when my best friend comes over and the food is for my pets. And while the fish might not like me very much (they actually bite me), deep down, I know I love them. And believe me, I may not be rich, but I can afford the $50. I won’t even notice it’s gone, especially since I just got paid today. So, why did I have such a negative knee-jerk reaction to spending it?

I was brought up in an environment where you couldn’t buy anything without it being on sale AND having a coupon. I was raised with the idea that spending money was a bad thing and saving money was a good thing. My Dad was an electrician and many of his friends would spend a couple of years out of work every now and then, so my Mom was a big saver to make sure we would have enough to get through a similar situation. She did what she had to do and she did it well. And it is thanks to her that I have such good financial habits. I always make sure to have savings and never spend anything I cannot pay for at that moment. But what did this do to my relationship with money?

Money is meaningless if you don’t spend it. My great uncle was so cheap that he even turned off the gas to his oven because he didn’t use it. When he passed away, he had over a million dollars in the bank because he barely spent anything during his life. Since he had no children, he left the money to the church. While the church may have benefited, what good did that money ever do my uncle? Money that isn’t spent is just a number on a computer screen. Nothing more.

I’m sure that my relationship with money would have gotten even worse if I had ever gotten to the point where I thought I would lose my house or didn’t know how we were going to eat that night. I’ve been very fortunate to never experience anything like that. But how do we expect to attract money into our lives when we have all of these negative emotions around spending it? When we can afford our purchase and we are buying it out of love, we should feel joy. We are transforming that number in the bank into something useful. Something that will make someone happy. That is the sole purpose of having the money to begin with.

I suppose that makes my limiting belief something like “Money should be saved, not spent”. I will definitely be “tapping” (using EFT) on this issue tonight!

Are Difficult Times Really a Necessity?

I think most of us realize that we do the majority of our learning in this life from the difficult times. When everything is going right for us and we are happy, we pretty much just sit back and enjoy it while it lasts. Then inevitably, things go wrong and we are forced to change and grow from that experience, in order to get back to happy at some point. And this cycle repeats over and over and teaches us the life lessons we have come here to learn. But do we really need all of those difficult times? Is it possible that there might be another way? If some people have to continually repeat the same type of negative experience until they learn what they are supposed to from it, couldn’t you avoid that experience altogether if you manage to learn the lesson without it?

A few years back, my company opened up a co-headquarters in North Carolina and offered a generous package for anyone that wanted to move there. It would have been very beneficial to my husband and I financially, if we made the move. The issue is that the large majority of both of our families are located on Long Island. If we were to move, we would leave them all behind. It would be a trade-off. With my NY salary in NC, my husband might have managed to be a stay-at-home-dad, which he had expressed a desire to be. But we and our future children would be hundreds of miles from any other relatives. This was an extremely hard decision for us to make.

I begged God to give me a sign to show me what the right choice was for us. I have gotten many signs in the past and was certain that one would come when I had to make such an important life altering decision. To my surprise, I never picked up on any sign at all regarding this decision. I decided that it came down to the choice between family and money and I chose family. I also figured that if I really couldn’t determine that moving was the better choice, then we should just stay where we were.

Staying turned out to present some challenges, as well. My husband was laid off from his job and was basically out of work for three years. Part of the package was job searching assistance services for your spouse in NC and I couldn’t help but wonder if we made the right decision staying in NY. As time passed and we went to a number of weddings, funerals and other smaller family events, I realized that staying was the right decision. It would have been much harder to have to constantly travel back and forth and I am certain we would have missed many of the smaller events. My husband and I also do not make friends easily and that would have presented a challenge for us if we had moved someplace where we didn’t know anyone.

One day, I was using a pendulum (a kind of divination tool) and decided to ask if we were supposed to move to NC. To my shock, it said yes. When I asked if I received a sign to move and just missed it, it said no. I asked if we would have been happy and able to make friends there and again it said no. I then asked if we eventually would have moved back to NY and it said yes. It took me a while to really absorb this information. If I was in fact supposed to move to NC, then why didn’t I receive a sign to do so? Perhaps it was because we wouldn’t have been happy and it wouldn’t have worked out. We would have learned some tough life lessons from the experience and then come back. Instead, I was still able to learn those lessons in a safer place, without actually having to experience it. I continually pictured how our life would have been different had we moved. Maybe that’s why we had a bit of a tough time in NY after we decided to stay, with my husband out of work for so long. It caused me to think about how our life would have been in NC. If everything was perfect in NY, I probably wouldn’t have questioned my decision and reflected on it so much.

I have recently been studying numerology and one of the things in my reading was that any decisions I make based on money will never work out. Perhaps that was what I was meant to learn by moving to NC, but I managed to learn it without having to go through that negative experience.

Is it possible for us to constantly learn and grow while having only positive happy experiences in this life? If we were to push ourselves to continually improve as a person, through research, meditation, EFT or any other tools we can think of, can we actually avoid those rough times? Do we only experience the hard times in order to force us to improve? If so and we are already doing it, then they wouldn’t be necessary, right? I managed to learn the lessons I needed to learn from moving to NC, while staying in NY.

I’m sure there are certain challenges we are meant to experience that are set in stone in our life path. But there’s a chance that with focus and determination, we can avoid much of the heartache set up as a possibility in this life only as a tool for our soul’s education. Wouldn’t it be great if it was as simple as reflecting on the good choices you have made in your life? Allowing yourself to feel grateful for them and acknowledging how your current life is so much better than it would have been had you made a different decision. And through this reflection, learning the life lessons you would have, had you chosen differently. I believe it just may be possible. Can you imagine what it would be like to live a life where only good things happen to you AND you manage to accomplish all of the growth your soul thirsted for in this life? How amazing that would be?! If we are able to banish our limiting beliefs, fears, and anxieties, and focus only on how grateful we are for the wise decisions we have made, we might just be able to get to that place.

Another thing to ponder is what if I was never meant to move to NC at all. I was only supposed to think I was meant to move there, in order to come up with the revelation in this blog post? They say that spirit tells you what you need to hear, instead of what you want to hear. Maybe sometimes what you need to hear isn’t entirely accurate, but is necessary for your personal growth.

I will leave you with one last thought. What if the idea that we learn more from the hard times is just another limiting belief? And the truth is that we are capable of learning just as much from the good times (maybe even more), if we only knew how. And the reason we continue to experience so many difficult situations is that we are subconsciously telling the universe we need more of them in order for our soul to grow. And then we take pride in all of this pain we brought to ourselves because we survived it and proved we were tough enough. If given the choice, which way would you prefer?

Discovering and Banishing Your Limiting Beliefs

Believe it or not, our beliefs create much of what we experience here on Earth. Our simple belief in a thought or idea can make it true for us in this life. Let’s look at obvious examples of this in action. Perhaps a woman thinks she is too old to find a husband, so when she goes out on dates, she closes herself off as a defense mechanism because she doesn’t want to fall in love with a man, when there is no chance he will marry her. So she resists putting herself out there and comes off as a little cold and disinterested, so the man moves on and doesn’t call for a second date. This example makes perfect sense. Her own limiting belief that a man couldn’t possibly want to marry her (since in her mind, she is so old) causes her to be aloof, which makes it impossible for her to find love. It has become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

This is happening every day to us in much more subtle ways. Our limiting beliefs create fear and those fears hold us back from taking opportunities. For example, many of us probably believe that to get the things you want in life, you have to overwork yourself. This belief came from our parents, movies, books, observing others, etc. However, we all seem to know at least one person who appears to get everything they want so easily. Like life is just handing them these things on a silver platter. Maybe the only difference between that person and you is they believe that good things just come to them because they deserve it.

Every thought and every action we have sends a clear message to the universe. If we are working ourselves to death, we are telling the universe that we want to work really hard. The universe, being the abundant place that it is, will just send us more work. If you want things to come easier, you actually have to stop trying so hard. Get rid of that limiting belief that you have to kill yourself in order to receive anything and let the universe bring it to you. Set your specific intention for what you want, picture it happening (including how you will feel when it happens), believe 100% that the universe will provide this thing and it is done. Don’t think about it anymore, don’t continue to overwork yourself to get it, just let it go and have faith. But don’t forget to keep your eye out for the opportunity when it comes.

When I was looking for a new job around 5 years ago, I spent 6 months putting all of my energy into it. I checked job postings every day. I went on 10 different interviews. There was one place I really wanted to work and I kept pushing for them to give me a chance. Finally, I was tired and ready to take a break from all of it. I still had a job, so it wasn’t like I needed the paycheck or anything like that. Then a recruiter reached out to me through LinkedIn with a job opportunity. They had no idea I was even looking for a new job and it was not linked at all to the effort I had been putting into my job search. This would have happened anyway. I ended up getting my current job through that recruiter and it has worked out really well. All that time I spent spinning my wheels and working so hard to get what I wanted with no success. Then the universe just provided. And you know what? That company I really wanted to work for closed their facility a few years ago and everyone there was laid off. I thank God I didn’t get what I thought I wanted.

Many of us have limiting beliefs about money. Maybe we believe that you have to choose between love and money. Or in order to be rich, you have to make your job your entire life. Or perhaps that rich people are not trustworthy. Any of these beliefs would probably stop your subconscious from even wanting a lot of money. When you ask for money, it says “No, I want love and a work-life balance and to be trustworthy!”

I have been going to the gym and doing interval training for over a year, but haven’t lost very much weight at all. Maybe I am afraid that if I am thin again, I will be sexually harassed again. Or maybe I think my larger face from the extra weight makes my nose look smaller. These are possible reasons my subconscious might not want to lose weight. Or perhaps I believe that it is really hard to lose weight after age 30. Or that everyone gains weight when they get married. I could go on and on. I am trying to get to the bottom of why I haven’t lost much weight, so I can use EFT (a kind of acupressure) to fix it. EFT can be a great way to overcome limiting beliefs. You can also write them down on a piece of paper and burn the paper, letting the belief be destroyed.

Wishing you luck in uncovering and destroying any limiting beliefs you may have.