Do you have a habit of telling yourself what to do? Are you loving and encouraging or bossy and curt? I think most people tend to be the latter, when it comes to ourselves. But let me ask you something. How does it feel when other people try to boss you around? I’d imagine that your defenses go up and you don’t want to do what they are telling you to do. Not necessarily that you are against doing what they are asking, but you want them to treat you with love and respect and ask you politely. So why do we expect our subconscious mind and body to be any different? When your conscious mind tries to order them around, can you blame them for not wanting to listen?
So why is it so much easier to be patient and compassionate when asking something of other people than it is with ourselves? I think the answer comes down to guilt and a desire for control. We know that when we are not doing something we are supposed to, there is no one else to blame but ourselves. This results in a feeling of guilt, which causes us to get angry with ourselves and then we lash out. We are mean to ourselves and say derogatory things, which distances our subconscious and body from our conscious mind even more. Then the control freak in us comes out. Especially when the world is so chaotic and you can’t seem to get other people to listen to you, you know the one person you can control is yourself. And you’re also the one person you don’t have to be nice to, so you are ruthless. You let out all of that suppressed rage you have from feeling so out of control all of the time and take it out on yourself. To make it worse, when our subconscious mind and body don’t listen to us, our negative emotions snowball.
This is probably another reason why most diets fail. You blame your body for forcing you to go on a diet. Questioning what’s wrong with it, when plenty of people can eat whatever they want without gaining a pound. You feel disgust and anger when you have to turn down something you want to eat and then think derogatory things about yourself. You yell at your body to shed those pounds so you can go back to living a normal life. And then, you wonder why your body doesn’t listen. Do you normally want to do things for people who put you down and treat you with disdain? Why would your subconscious mind and body be any different?
I think that is why so many people swear by positive affirmations. They train you to give yourself loving encouragement, instead of angry orders. They create an environment where you support your mind, body and soul, as a whole. I think the idea that the only thing we can control in this world is our self is a limiting belief. While it might be easier to force ourselves to do something than someone else, are we being as successful as we think we are? If we were, then procrastination probably wouldn’t exist. Instead of trying to control ourselves (which doesn’t always work), we should treat ourselves as we would any other loved one. Be polite to yourself. Be your own cheerleader. Don’t assume that whatever order you bark at yourself will automatically be followed. Make yourself want to listen to you, out of love and respect.
It’s funny. As I was writing this post, I couldn’t think of the word procrastination. The more I demanded myself to remember the word, the harder it was to focus. So I took a walk, sang a song in my head and told myself I was confident it would come to me. It only took a minute or two before it popped into my head. I know we have all experienced this without knowing why. I think we put so much pressure on our mind to remember the word that it panics and stops working. I think we all have been put on the spot with something and our mind goes blank. Perhaps when someone asks us a simple math question, when we are not expecting it and all of a sudden, your mind just goes blank. We are also capable of doing this to ourselves. And the more annoyed we get about it, the harder it is to perform. That’s why when we stop, relax, and let it go, our memory starts working properly again. We are so conditioned to boss ourselves around, that I was doing it, even as I wrote this post!
It seems like this is how I end every post recently, but I see more “tapping” (EFT) in my future. It’s exhausting carrying around all of this emotional baggage all of the time!